Bergner: The Desires We Cannot Bear

Jennifer:

Photo courtesy of rebarcamp.com

In Bergner’s The Other Side of Desire, he poses a colossal question in the introduction that I later learned was the primary focus of the book. He asks, “What do we do with the desires we cannot bear, the desires we or the society around us strain to restrict or strangle, whether the wanting is unusual or as typical as the yearning for new lovers that can turn otherwise happy marriages into arrangements that sometimes feel as agonizing as actual imprisonment?” (Bergner xii).

Well, it turns out that we all handle them quite differently. Some choose to embrace them, while others put all of their energy into suppressing them, and even others try desperately to find a means that will make them disappear. Bergner focuses his attention on several people that found themselves seeking forms of pleasure that were unacceptable to the rest of society. Were they slaves to their desires or simply acknowledging their urges and maybe even their identities? Did they each deal with them in the same way or did their specific desires determine how they dealt?

In the first chapter, Bergner introduces Jacob, a man with an erotic desire for feet. “He wanted, dizzyingly, to touch them, hold them, gaze upon them, lick them, suck them…” (Bergner 6).  Jacob put much effort into distracting himself from his desire even at a young age. “His erotic distortion made him hideous in his eyes” (Bergner 7). After his regrettable session with the prostitute, he sought the help of psychiatrist and even travelled a great distance to obtain his help. He was comforted by Berlin, who made Jacob feel understood, forgiven, and most importantly, not strange.   

Bergner allows us to see how Jacob’s paraphilia tormented his life. He endured mortification over and over again. He wanted to be in control of his mind, but wasn’t. Although Berlin couldn’t change his mental state, he did offer his help. Jacob was put on anti-androgens, which are known as a “chemical castration”. He was warned about the possible side effects such as developing breasts and the weakening of his bone structure, but he didn’t care. He only wished his thoughts could be purged as well.

Photo courtesy of alibaba.com

However, the next journey that Bergner takes a closer look at follows quite the opposite route. “Jacob couldn’t find a place for himself within the world that existed. The Baroness intended to create a world that was her place” (Bergner 51). The Baroness, a latex clothing designer in NYC, embraces those urges that stem from her very core. She is a sadist that gets great enjoyment and satisfaction out of inflicting pain and punishment on the submissives that work for her.

Her requests vary, but she is known for her extreme brutality. For instance, she has one of her slaves strapped to a work table with a hood over his head. Each time the machine picks up a voice, he is shocked with an electrical charge. He remains like this for up to 24 hours. Just like this “slave”, others find their way to the Baroness. By taking the desires that society cannot accept and making a world of her own, she has changed the lives of many. She has created quite a following that allows others like her to satisfy their desires. They have a place where they feel they belong and can share in their similar pleasures and feel free to be themselves without the judgment of society.