Old World versus New World

Dad:  “Almas, you know that you won’t be a spring chicken forever. While I was in Philadelphia, I realized how important it is for you to begin thinking about our culture, religion and your future marriage plants. I think it is time we began a two-year marriage plan so you can find a husband and start a family. I think twenty-two will be a good age for you. You should be married by twenty-two.”

(Almas thinking in her head): I needed to begin thinking about the “importance of tradition and be married by twenty-two? This, from the only Indian man I knew who had Alabama’s first album on vinyl and loved to spend long weekends in his rickety, old camper near Cheney Lake, bass fishing and listening to traditional Islamic Quavali music?

Dad: “I have met a boy that I like for you very much. Masoud’s son, Mahmood. He is a good Muslim boy, tells great jokes in Urdu and is a promising engineer. We should be able to arrange something. I think you will be happy with him!”

(Almas thinks in her head): Masoud, Dad’s cousin? This would make me and Mahmood distant relatives of some sort. And Dad wants to “arrange something”? I had brief visions of being paraded around a room, serving tea to strangers in a sari or shalwar kameez (a traditional South Asian outfit for women) wearing a long braid and chappals (flat Indian slippers), while Dad boasted my domestic capabilities to increase my attractiveness to potential suitors.

Ever wonder why some cultures enforce the idea of an arranged marriage on younger generations? How can some immigrants in America still encourage their children to follow traditional marriage customs from the old world? Daisy Hernandez and Bushra Rehman compile stories of ethnic women from around the world. The book includes compelling personal narratives of women that are entangled between satisfying political and cultural norms while they search for their own identities.

Almas, a native to the bread belt of America, is studying philosophy, women’s studies, and international relations at the University of Kansas. As an Indian Muslim, she must face the prospects of an arranged marriage to a Muslim boy that is a distant relative. While worrying about her philosophy final during her spring semester of sophomore year, Almas needs to consider to an arranged marriage proposal from a man that she has never met. And you thought finals week was stressful?

Unlike most traditional Muslims, Almas does not want to conform to customs. As an athletic child, Almas was an undesirable daughter in her mother’s eyes. Almas did not resemble those Bollywood beauties that were elegantly dressed in saris and adorned in gold bangles and necklaces while they elegantly danced and showed off their petite bodies. Almas was just the opposite.  She was a brawny, graceless, Indian Muslim (that did not wear a veil) girl with crooked teeth. Her mother thinks that Almas is so undesirable and will not be able to find suitable husband.

Torn between religion and customs, Almas cannot find a way to reveal her newly developing identity to her father. An activist, Almas discovered that the feminist view and queer rights is more appealing than those old Indian values. While dating a white man, she is trying to hide her undying crush for an actress at the college’s Theatre Department. Can you imagine trying to figure out your sexual identity at the same time your father is finding eligible bachelors for you to marry months after graduation? Almas’ dilemma is not something out of the norm. Many South Asian women fear “coming out of the closet” due to fear of rejection by their families and society. Should Almas pursue her sexual pleasures and desires instead of fulfilling her duties as an Indian Muslim woman? You be the judge.
-Nidhi